happy new year...

i'm sippin captain and diet tonight... it tastes like home.

see y'all in february 2009. i cannot wait. i miss you, and love you, and have a happy new year! and a safe one, toO!

because its meant to be

my flight back to oklahoma from aspen was cancelled. :o)

as if work on a sunday isn't absurd enough.

woke up at 4:5fucking5 to get ready for work. i scheduled, and double checked that i was in the computer for my 5:15 am pick up. tell me why it is now 5:29, and i am still in my apartment. i can't freaking handle this. and i have to catch a a flight in the wee hours of the morning, and rely on transportation to come get me. i'm having chest pains. does anyone have a xanax?

Here I am.

i know. i've disappeared. its been a long week. sometimes you need to re-prioritize.

this morning's breakfast consisted of gummi vitamins... once again. i really do love them. and i'm beginning to believe that it is ok to take more than the recommended dosage of vitamin C anyways, as long as you space out your intake throughout the day. your body cannot absorb more than 100% of whatever supplement you are introducing it to [or so i've been told], so the excess gets flushed out anyways, so if you can reintroduce that 100%, or 250%, every couple of hours i don't see the harm in it. i apply this theory to my other gummi vitamins as well, but i don't OD on them as much as i do the vitamin C... simply because i've always been a sucker for orange flavored candy... gummi bears, those sugary orange wedges, sourpatch kids... orange is always my favorite.

anyways- today is saturday, december 20. WoW. 2 days... and barely that, being that i am supposed to be picked up at 3:30 am Monday morning. and i've been informed that i have to look "decent" when i get to the airport on monday... in my head, at this moment, that is translating to homeless chic. or a homelesS person in business casual attire. ugh. business casual. monica told me no sneakers. stanton told me no heels. i need to discuss this with brooke, she is the true travel style guru, but i haven't had a chance to chat with her recently. sorry. life is cRaZy sometimes.

on a side note, or rather, pertaining to why i have been M.I.A, Jolie's family is here in Tulsa, to see her and be with her.  Jolie has already informed them that they are adopting me into their lives... i can dig a few complimentary catering gigs with new friends in the years to come, in celebration of one of the most remarkable individuals to ever walk this world. BUT, back on topic, i'm not trying to venture into anything deep right now- Jennifer, Jolie's daughter-in-law, said that whenever she has been out to the facility to visit, her jeans are always tighter on the way home, AND its not like she's eating full plates of food. just a little nosh here and there. iTS NOT JUST ME! what the heck are they putting in the foOd here?!?! ugh. i need to get back to the east coast and my meathead workouts... latenight diner trips... bourgeois nights in the city... low key nights with fab... MeTRO! at this point, i'm afraid to even eat the salad here! for real! it hasn't helped me much in the past couple of weeks; not that i am aware of, at least. 

ok! i think i've said enough for now... i really need to be tending to my laundry and figuring out what i want to pack for Aspen! i can't wait to see my fractured man... and to turn off my phone and get lost for a few days... :o)

i don't want to go to work!

for no particular reason. i enjoy working with michell, shes always teaching me new thangs and such. i just feel like being a brat. 

school is cancelled for all the lil kids because it iced last night, so i feel as though i should be off toO. :oP

sigh. if only cancer took off for snow days. 

tonight.

its selfish to be sad, but its really hard to be happy when such beauty is about to be leaving the world.  How do you turn around and walk away from a friend, knowing that that may very well be the last time you will see them?

Today i made the promise that i will follow my dream and my vision. i don't break promises.

later in the evening i put water on the stove to brew some echinacia tea. Traditional Medicinals prints different messages on the tabs of their tea bags. i opened two packets, both read:

i can only hope. and do.

make it nice around the tree

i feel like crap. kinda. 

i predict that by the end of tomorrow i will be sounding like joan rivers, which isn't necessarily a terrible thing, because that at least means that whatever has finally managed to beat me in my continious zicam swabbings will be gone by the time i leave for aspen.

i'm out of milk... which means i cannot have my regular breakfast indulgence of honey nut cheerios mixed with kashi honey almond flax crunch in a bowl that is toO small. all my dishes need to go into the dishwasher anyways. i'm out of utensils. everything is dirty. fuck it. i had a handful of gummi vitamins [i don't know why i thought buying delicious gummi vitamins for adults would be a smart idea for an individual like myself], the vitamin C pomegranate citrus wedges, and some lycopene multi-V's thrown in the mix, and a shipyard pumpkinhead ale... its the only possible solution, and substitute, as far as i'm aware. 

my most recent paycheck was asS, or rather, is ass, seeing as how i have yet to deposit it into my account. and i need to go food shopping, but the hospital has yet to reimburse me the $92 from my last food shopping excursion, and i feel as though i am pretty much broke, even for aspen. i plan on going out and exploring while my man is working... which will obviously involve eating and frivolous purchases. 

sigh. i want so badly to be motivated right now. well... perhaps that is a lie. if i wanted to be motivated that badly, i could easily get up and get stuff done. should i have maybe opted for a redbull instead of this beer? i'd probably only be typing faster, but not accomplishing much else. i have a ton of laundry to do as well. so i have nothing to wear, and no utensils to eat off of, until i do something about it. i most likely will not care about this until i run out of clean pajamas, and pajama substitutes. 

ok, enough of this. the only person most likely to have even been the slightest bit interested in reading to this point is brooke. and that is because she loves me.

i wish this bottle was an apricot wheat beer. sigh.

i don't even know

does my last blog make sense? my grammar and vocabulary have taken a nose dive. i need some mental stimulation or something. i just woke up... ok, well i woke up maybe an hour ago, but i am still in bed, and my throat feels scratchy. close talkers, of all people, should NOT come into work sick and without a voice. i am not a close talker. i just happen to be subject to one on the daily. 

i need to hang out with jolie today, she and her husband, "the coffee guy", are leaving tulsa to go back to Florida and spend time with fam. i might not ever get to see her again :o/ and of course i have to be freakin borderline sick. i wish i could put myself in a bubble before entering her room, so that i don't have to worry about spreading these stoOpid germs. Jolie is originally from new jersey... her husband loves the lord... i bought her season 5 of curb your enthusiasm. i think its been a minute since shes felt "home" like that. the trials and tribulations of my man, Larry David. i really hope she enjoys it :o)

well, that is all i guesS. toodles for now. :oP

Let it snow.

"let it snow, let it snow, let it snow". the theme of this year's holiday party.

what does let it snow, let it snow, let it snow mean? to me, essentially, it means fuck it. and i'm not intending that in a negative way, i'm not intending it in any way. it is what it is, fuck it. you can't control it. al roker can't do shit either. its gonna fucking snow, man. so- if you're behind closed doors with the person you love: let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. if you are stuck at work and there a statewide emergency has been declared: let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. essentially, regardless of what your deal is, let it snow is essentially synonymous with fuck me. 

and speaking of the holiday party, it isn't even midnight yet, and i am in for the night.  the food sucked. the party was not a party, i'd say it was a get-together. i didn't mind it, at all, for serious. i feel blessed [in the most non-religious form of the word] to have been there, and been in the presence of the founder. but i don't like mass prayer and i don't like labeling people by religion. i also don't like getting dressed up, only to sit at a table where no one is talking to me. oh- and i'm alotted a bullshit amount of 4 "drink tickets"... which only get you 1 drink, for 3 tickets, so let it snow on the 4th one; what the f kind bullshit is that?

but anyways- we have such a tremendous vision. and i hate the word we, especially when it involves significant others, or jesus, BUT i believe, in my heart and in my head, that the CTCA is making monumental strides in the fight against cancer, and i will throw myself into that battle wholeheartedly. after all, i aim to improve quality of life through food.

but it hurts me, to sit a mere 30 yards from the founder, and know, in my heart, that there are people whom are cooking the LAST MEAL, yes- last let it snow meal, who could give a fuck less. uhgos;hgoidhp

and i've already upset enough unimportant people since being here... and i just want to get my externship over and done with. but i love this pseudo-corporation. i believe in it. if you came here, you would believe as well.  i want at least a segment of my future to involve CTCA... however, it pains me sO much that i cannot speak. i cannot be the voice of the patients, or of the workers that are doing their job. the people that are being cared for, and the people that care. it jeopardizes me. and unfortunately, i am too old to ignore that. i need to think about my resume, and my future. and i have no doubts regarding my capabilities, at all, and i want to help. and to jeopardize this opportunity would be to squander the opportunity to help sO so many individuals. but what am i supposed to do? do i sit here in the meantime and not say a word about the people who are here because they are getting paid, along with awesome benefits, because they work for an amazing company that actually cares?

is it professional to watch some fat fuck leech off of the company and stick his fat dirty fingers into the ingredients of a person who's immune system is compromised? isn't it my job to ensure that that does not happen? all these safe/precautionary measures only benefit the weak and add sufferage to the strong. this is some fucking BULLSHiT.

a lot has transpired in the past couple of days, and i just would hate to see such a beautiful place with such a beautiful goal, get demolished due to survival of the weakest.

i don't know. i can ramble in circles for hours [prolix], but let it snow. i'm out.

tomorrow

one more thing- tomorrow night is the company holiday party.

i am hoping select co-workers of mine will get a little toO loose and act a fool. and i will have pictures for blackmail... as well as cause for complaint. muahahaha. drink up, bitches!!

firsts.

i have drastically cut back on my dranking since my triumphant return to okkklahoma. partially due to my wicked hangover in driving class, the fact that i thought my nose was becoming bulbous [like a true alchy], but i think mainly because i got a taste of home... and this wine doesn't taste as warm without my friends to share it with. ALSO- i drink a lot, and, as you all know, if you have been following this thang, i'm going to aspen very soon. and it is freakin expensive out thurr. sO, i think, underlyingly, that may be the biggest reason why i haven't been drinking as much. 

i have put a man before my liver? stick a fork in me; i'm done.

who wants baileys?

this really puts me in the christmas spirit.... however, i feel as though to really appreciate it, you have to be from the tri-state area. or have met my stepmother.

it also makes me miss my number 1 even more. sigh.

11 days until aspen. 

x amount of days til new jersey. 

both are taking toO freakin long.

creepy

i'm watching paris hilton's bff show, which is unsettling enough on its own; i have no idea why i am watching this crap whilst chomping my cereal. i just cannot loOk away. i think i'm embarassed for everyone on this show, paris included. she's down to the last 2.

i don't know, man. i feel as though this show speaks in volumes about our society. and that scares the shit out of me.

romance is dead.

no pun intended.

this doesn't sound like some sort of murdered mail-order bride situation? i mean, a 45 year old man and a tiny little 22 year old from the philippines? why wouldn't he have turned to protect her instead of just himself? 

alright, enough procrastinating. i really must "start my day".

My friends....

today is a great day in the history of our country. December 5, 2008 marks the 75th anniversary of the end of the alcohol prohibition!

i would like to raise my glass... refill, and repeat.

a great word.

not to steal my number 1's thunder, but a couple of weeks ago i signed up for merriam webster's word o' the day, and i must say, i am quite taken with the word prolix, and i hope to one day use it to describe myself when next extremely inebriated and rambling, repetitively.

"oh, forgive me for being so prolix. i tend to get that way when drunk and upset. or just drunk and talking, really."

PROLiX [proh-LIKS]: (adjective) 1. unduly prolonged or drawn out; toO long. 2. marked by or using an excess of words

i'm tired.

it seems as though no matter where i go, bullshit follows. and the less i do, and the more i try to behave, the worse it gets. i'm freakin tired of this garbage, man.

and its always people that do not know me. and they make me feel as though i am doing something wrong, and i don't deserve to feel that way. i haven't done anything to deserve feeling badly about myself. i'm tired of it.

is it toO much to ask for everyone [everyone that doesn't love me, that is] to keep my name out of their mouths?

if i had realized that growing up meant having to act "professionally", even when no one else around you seems to be, i'd have considered becoming an actress. 

an ode to december

i'm only writing because i haven't posted since i have been home... and i would feel uncomfortable having such a gaping lapse in posts between two months.

i had a lot that i wanted to blahg about, but right now i don't feel like thinking, so i honestly cannot recall at the moment. 

i just want to continue being lost in this feeling... plus, A Real Chance at Love is on in 5 minutes. vh1 is sO awesome at making losers feel important.

three more weeks til aspen :o) i'm in love. and its not with oklahoma.

4 weeks!

well... technically, it is now 27 days.

crazy? absolutely.

but i cannot refute one of my favoritest quotes... when the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.

sO the rest of me is trying its best not to think and just run with it, because emotion and logic are two opposite ends of the spectrum, so i'm just going to go with what feels good. with what feels very good :o)

i am extremely intelligent;

not to mention, classy, as well.








yesterday i had the GENiUS idea to drink, and drink, and drink, with the intent of waking up for my intoxicated driver's class still drunk. instead, i woke up hurting pretty badly and had to sit through the 6 hour program with a PoUnDiNg headache. ugh. it was awful. i ate my entire lunch on the ride to class, which was just pastrami on a bagel [g0d, i am sooo happy to be back in new jersey, man! for real.] , because i thought i may die if i didn't. upon completion of the food that was supposed to last me for the next 6 hours, i immediately began to ponder if it would be possible to order a pizZa and have it delivered during our lunch break. would i have to share it? would people not take me seriously? take me seriously? what am i even talking about? more importantly- would i have to share?

the clasS itself wasn't that bad, between bouts of feeling as though i may keel over and die, i was pretty amused. unfortunately, tomorrow we have "guest speakers" coming in to talk to us. i'm assuming that will be pretty depressing. i'm expecting these will be individuals whose lives have been severely affected by drunk drivers, and vice versa. DOWNER.

while we are discussing my day, i should note that we were given the option of being let out of class 30 minutes earlier... everyone raised their hand in favor, and i just sat there. unresponsive. so Dean, the instructor, asks me why i didn't raise my hand and i simply shrugged and told him that i can't drive and MY MOM isn't coming to pick me up until 4:30 anyways. after i said this, some woman shouted out, "i'll give you a ride home." and i really just wanted to turn to her, just to be a complete jerk, and say, "yeah, because i really want to get in the car with you, ya drunk." hahaha- it would have been in goOd humor. we're all there for the same reason ;o)

anyways, i ended up getting a ride from this guy's mom, and i swear he was trying to kick game to me the entire way home. i'm hoping he doesn't expect me to sit near him, or next to him, or anything stoOpid like that tomorrow, because that ain't happenin. i don't want to sit near anyone who is going to try to talk to me. sigh. i'll just do whatever larry would do if in that situation.

sorry if this blog sucked and was not as eloquent as expected, i don't really care. my cerebral fluid is at an extremely viscous state right now, and if i hadn't taken tylenol a couple of hours ago, i suspect my brain would still be trying to escape my thick skull.

its time for pajamas and the couch. its great to be home :o)

its cold and i hate it.

based upon the title of this post, i don't know what brooke is talking about when she says i bitch a lot in my blog. nooooo idea what the F she's talking about. crazy lady.

we aged our livers some more last night. a lot more. and drank in a descending order: the first bottle of wine was 15.5%, the second was 15%, and the third, which i believe i spilled [sorry Jim's notebook] more than i a drank, was 14.5%. i don't know what is going through my head when i think that 14.5% isn't that high. that is a filthy lie. but it does seem like a little/lot less when you start off with 15.5%. if someone were to punch me in the face right now, i probably wouldn't react to it. i'm cold [probably due more to dehydration than anything else], tired [i don't know why i couldn't sleep later... probably all the sugar from the wine. oh- and because i'm excited to be hooooooome!], and i just ate a piece of cold left over pancake off jim's plate that he left on the kitchen counter. sweet.

i guess its time to shower... so we can begin our day? ugh. we need more time. we need to not leave this house all day. ugh [again]. i really just want to follow jj's lead and curl up in his bed and bask in the sunshine.

anxiety.

i can't nap... i'm toO excited to go home tomorrow! i cannot believe that in 24 hours from now i will be at brooke and jim's, preferably napping off some upon-arrival bloody marys, in preparation for a night full of wining and cooking with my number 1 :o)

i'm also very nervous. transportation has not been on point lately. a few mornings last week i was nearly 30 minutes late to work because linda had forgotten to pick me up. Thanks, Linda. while linda does not work weekends [thank ronald (i believe ronald mcdonald is the g0d of okkklahoma).], i am still concerned that my ride is going to be late, especially since human resources toOk it upon themselves to discuss clair's jesus preaching [which was all in goOd fun!] with him, and alert juan about his lewd conduct [which was completely inappropriate, and he should be fired and i should be rewarded lots and lots of money for the verbal violation]. i HATE not having control of my own transportation...

speaking of which, i finally get my freakin license back in february. i am very excited! but for now, i am far more excited to be on jersey grounds in roughly 18 hours. 18 HOURS! i know that time will fly once i get home, and i hope it continues to do so, and in a blink, extern will be OVER [yeesh. this is a dreadful run-on sentence.].

maybe i will begin doing some laundry in anticipation for tomorrow's travels... see you bitches, soOn! roll out the red carpet- i'm comin' home!

sicky sicky sick sick

starting two nights ago, i fell ill. wednesday night i felt extremely vomititious, yesterday at work i felt feverish and nauseas, and last night i was in my own personal hell. i was hot, i was cold, i was sane, i was not. do not watch The Truman Show if you are running a fever... or think you may be running a fever... OR are just generally disgruntled with the state of your homeostasis.

sO anyways, i called out of work sick this morning, and i think its one of the better decisions i have made with my existence. my initial concern with calling out was that Chef Kenny would think i was simply calling out because i am leaving to go home tomorrow and i want to get my stuff together; however, after last night's dream that Freddy Kreuger died and i was being held accountable for his murderous rampage, i texted my boss and informed him that i was running a fever and would not be able to make it into work. i have had ample time to do nothing. all day. it is 2:40 and i am still in pajamas. HECK YES! and in less than 24 hours i will be home. i think a sick day was the perfect segway to "Thanksgiving break '08".

anyways, i'm feelin a lil sleepy. it may be time for a nap. my eyes feel a lil blurry.

33 days.

i woke up before my alarm. instead of being productive, i choOse to squander this time. why the F not? i would've been sleeping anyways. though, my alarm would be going off right now, i still have loafing time factored into my down to the moment morning routine.

so here i am. one with the couch. exactly how i love to be. i will be home in 3 days... well, i will be with brooke and jim in 3 days, and on my mom's couch in 4, but its all goOd. both are like home to me :o)

everyone believes the sole reason i am heading home is for thanksgiving, but really, the little angel pulling me back to my beloved east coast is the marlboro police department. bitch bastards. on monday and tuesday i have to undergo a garden state mandated driving course; i plan on meeting lots of lovely people here, and making new, wonderful, life-long friends, whom partake in the same leisure activities as i do.

speaking of preferred activities... i cannot freakin wait to drink wine with my loved ones this coming week!! while it is impossible to find greater company than myself, i need someone else to talk to and drink with for once; november 22 with brooke will be the perfect jump-off to my vacation back to normalcy ♥

trying not to be a negative nelly

i don't want to go to work today.

what the hell am i going to do for 8.5 hours? i know i sound like a crazy person whenever i say this, but i don't want to hear the voices. ugh. i can't breathe just thinking about it. i know i posted a blog last night saying i was just going to smile my way through it, but i don't wanna freakin smile! i'll smile from freakin home. long distance working. let that bitch defrost shit on her own. i haven't seen her bake a damn thing since i been here... then again, it's impossible to see anything over mounds of onions.

i even woke up early and did 30 minutes of cardio with the intent to boOst my mood, not for exercise... and i don't think its working. i am sitting in my apartment in complete silence, i turned off the tv, i need to enjoy this while i can. i'm debating if i am better off sleeping til just before working, and starting the day miserable, or enjoying a couple hours of me time, heading into misery, and then enjoying my freedom come 6:30?

ugh. i cannot stand ugly people. and i'm talking about ugly on the outside as well as the inside. it just makes it sO much worse. i guesS i should go take a shower and get ready for the suckfest... i'd rather be at d'jais.

a [not-so] devious plan...

i begin working with our "pastry chef" tomorrow. i have finally graduated from cleaning, dicing, and julienning 80-120 pounds of onions every day, on top of other mundane vegetable related tasks. exciting, right? of course! especially since our pastry chef is amongst the loyal gangling of admirers i have acquired since starting here. i think she has spoken a total of 1.5 words since i first arrived in blessed oklahoma on September 30. aside for the obvious insecurities i have brought forth in these individuals, this girl just seems generally miserable. she reminds me of an angry, goth adolescent. tomorrow should be interesting. i plan on smiling straight through my 10:00 am - 6:30 pm shift. if i can manage to put the glasS down in time, i may even marinate with a crest white strip for half an hour, just so i can have an extra perdy mouf for my kitchen crew.

the happier i am, the more disgruntled they will be. i just need to remember that.

in the immortal words of Mr. Bright [none of y'all know him. he was our high school security guard.], "Smile, Child."

Love.

when he says things like, "i had my first beer at 11:30 am.", i know we are meant to be.

there will be many happy sundays in our future. especially once we have our high def lovechild.

foOtball sundays...

just aren't the same anymore.

it isn't as enjoyable watching football all by my lonesome on sundays on this tiny asS tv. i misS fab's wall size high def screen. i misS my friends. i misS feeding my friends. and i should have a glass of wine in my hand right now. but because it is a little after 1 and i am by myself and still in pajamas, i feel as though it is toO early to start drinking.

toO early to start drinking?! WHO AM I???

maybe i am homesick... i miss my dog. and i miss knowing that i can submit a request for chili, take a nap, and then wake up to smell of it wafting to my bedroom from the kitchen. i miss making batches of pizza dough and simmering sauce for hours and prepping toppings... browning sausage, julienning peppers and onions, slicing mushrooms, chopping up heads of garlic... oh the garlic... and pouring so much love into game day food, only to have my friends down that shit in minutes. :o)

6 more days until i am with my brooke and jim... one week 'til i am with moni and fab, 11 days 'til Thanksgiving with my fabulous family, and, just to top this entry off with some extra cheese... 36 days until i am with my man :o)

i cannot wait... LET THESE NEXT 5 DAYS FLYYYY, PLEASE!!

Top Chef

the new season airs tonight. i'm loOking forward to being unimpressed by my arch nemesis as well as the majority of whiney aspiring chefs... and of course the volatility of it all. bring it on, bravo.

its not funny.

Yesterday, Clair, whom i believe to be the head of transportation and very much resembles a 70 year old Terry Bradshaw, but pink and blotchier and in need of some Jergens, drove me home from work, with a stop to Postal Connections so I could mail off my first ever country mix... ANYWAYS, the weather was pretty miserable, windy, rainy, COLD, and i hadn't checked the weather, so i didn't have a jacket or anything. with that said, clair pulls up to the front of the facility, and i get into the car and make some small talk along the lines of, "i should have checked the weather this morning! it is MiSERABLE out!!" and clair responds, "and i'm married, so you can't even warm up next to me."

::insert awkward kitty foreman laughter here::

clair then proceeds to ask me if i am married, which prompts me to laugh a little more and say no [marriage is the thang to do here. aside for having babies.], so clair asks me if all the guys around me are blind; i laugh some more and mention that i have someone, but he is in colorado on his externship as well. now dude wants to know where Stanton is from and where he grew up and blah blah blahhhh; thankfully, we pull up to postal connections and i run in to ship my newfound country heart, burned into a cd, to my man and when i get back into the car, flaky bradshaw comments, "now you tell him you don't want to get your ring in the mail." i smile. he furthers, "you tell him you want your ring delivered to you in person on one knee." my smile turns to laughter and i state, "oh no. nooo marriage. we're not getting married." this does not please mr. bradshaw.

TB then asks, "well then what good is he?" and begins lightly preaching the virtues of christianity and religion, so i make a remark about neither of us being very religious, and clair asks if i follow any particular religion, and i tell him i'm jewish and that Stanton isn't very big on religion. WELL, TB begins to inform me [because i don't know anything. i'm just a northern, east-coast jew with a bachelor's degree from rutgers, one of two schools to ever decline their Ivy League invitation. oh, and i have a vagina. which automatically knocks 12 points off of my IQ] that judaism and christianity have some connections and i should really consider converting to christianity... i laugh, hard. and for once, i bite my tongue and give good ol' jesus a break. Clair begins to discuss the fact that Stanton and i would be living in sin, and that there is no hope for my love, but that i might be ok, because i have my faith in something, and we jews have some sort of afterlife.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA <--- my response. i damn near busted my gut!

Terry informs me that this is no laughing matter.

stifling hysterics, i inquire, "why can't us living together here on this earth be heaven, and then we'll just turn hell into one big barbeque?"

this struck a small chord with terry, and he told me hell is NOT fun. i compose myself, look him straight in the face, deadpan expression, "oh. so its like a really hot DMV?"

i am met with a blank expression, and then he snaps back into it, and asks me, "without christ, what is to keep me from running around after women other than my wife?" and i simply smile, because to me this is assanine, and say, "because you love her. and you respect her." for a moment he's at a loss for words, he tells me that that is why i am great, but for most people that is NOT enough to prevent them from straying [pardon me if i am wrong, but isn't jesus very forgiving? i highly doubt your wife is willing to suffer for your sins, guy.], and i nearly bit my tongue off fighting myself from saying, "well then, maybe they should go to hell."

thankfully, transportation called to inform him of other runs he had to make, so i hurled myself threw that window of opportunity, thanked him for the ride, and ran up the stairs trying not to throw myself on the ground in convulsions of hysterical laughter. silly okies :o)

ohhhhhhhh-klahoma. is it november 22 yet? i'm more than feenin for some Jersey lovin'.

i swear i was a sloth in a previous life...

but i am a human in this one, and i really need to stop living in the past. it is time for me to get off my asS... and accomplish things. or accomplish nothing, but just be less dormant about it.

bah humbug.

kinda sad

i have to work this weekend while my dad is visiting. i asked for permission to leave early, but it freakin blows. as blogged about in entries past, the 5:30 AM shift kicks my asS. as it is, i haven't been able to work out in 2 days [yesterday was due to a tornado warning] because i've been so tired! i need to get my sweat on! which will not be a problem, work out time will be alotted, but what about nap time?! and then what time will i go to sleep? its a vicious cycle! is it realistic to think that i can go into work and bang out everything i need to do within 2 hours? it isn't unrealistic, there usually isn't much to do. but then what in the hell would be the point of that? i'm getting out of bed at that ung0dly hour to make $20? pshh. i could just ask my dad to give me some money before he leaves to go back to jersey and i would end up with more pocket cash than i will working these next two days. thinking about this is exhausting. everything is exhausting when you wake up at 4:50 in the morning after drinking til one in the morning the night before and crying about your co-workers for the majority of the evening. i love making the executive decision to drink when my mental mise en place is askew.

ugh. i need to clean this apartment like whoa. sweeping, vacuuming, laundry, everything! i re-organized the fridge, and stashed my empty wine bottles [i've been procrastinating steaming off the labels, i want to make a collage], but i need to freakin re-organize and put away everything else! and what am i doing instead? sitting on the couch, blogging about it, and kinda watching Friends. i never watch friends. though, in my defense [to myself], it is an older episode of friends, before they became so freakin type-casted into their characters, so it isn't sO terrible.

alright... i guess i need to cut the crud and get to cleaning. :o/

about one year ago today...

i received word that i had been accepted into the prestigious Culinary Institute of America. I was ecstatic! so, in celebration of my approximate 1 year anniversary, i would like to share one of the greatest pieces of literature i have ever produced... ladies and gentlemen, be honored that i am sharing with you my application essay...

Many people claim to "love food", however, I feel as though few people truly appreciate food and give it the respect it deserves. All too often I overhear "eww", or witness the ever-so-popular crinkled nose, accompanied by a, "what is that?", as one of my peers sticks their face, or their finger, in my plate; behaviors which were forbidden at the table when I was growing up. The cardinal rule in my household was, "Never say eww to food"; before I could claim to dislike something, I had to at least taste it first. I never eww-ed anything, not even Swiss cheese [which took roughly twenty consecutive years of trial and error before I finally acquired the taste for it.]. As a child I loved food, and as I grew older my love for food matured with me. I began to gain a greater appreciation for all that it encompasses. There is so much more to food than mere consumption. Food is loving, nurturing, healing; it brings people together. Food is also knowledge, each dish boasts of a different culture. Tastes and smells have the power to transcend space and time.

When I was seventeen I worked at a Wawa convenience store for my summer job. On my second day of employment I had to work the sandwich line during the morning rush hour; as can be expected, it was pretty chaotic, and people were not as charming as I am sure they were capable of. One man came in and barked his order at me for "a roll. lightly buttered", so I did just that: one roll, lightly buttered. He snatched the ninety-four cent sandwich from my hand and was out the door to start his day... less than five minutes later he came back through the door, threw a five dollar bill at me and said, "Thank you. No one has ever done that for me." My manager was taken aback' apparently no one has ever been tipped at Wawa before, and that is a shame. How hard is it to give people what they ask for? Breakfast and lunch are the only two moments of zen an individual has during the hectic work day. I get that. Nothing irritates, and depending on how hungry I am- infuriates, me more more than when I order a sandwich, unwrap it to take that first heavenly bite, only to have a complete disaster sitting in my lap. If you don't care about my food, then please don't make it. Find another job, please.

The summer of Wawa was the summer in which I first developed an interest in the food service and hospitality industry. I wanted to open my own sandwich shop, but not just any sandwich shop. I was talking about a serious sandwich shop. One in which the customer is presented with a menu board listing different types of bread, juxtaposed with a menu board offering various deli and meat options, followed by the toppings board, which I planned on being huge; anything from smoked Gouda to artichokes, apples to sun-dried and everything in between. I wanted to offer quality and variety, as well as excellent service. I too have been a victim of the overly buttered bagel, or the soggy sandwich that wears its condiments on the outside, and I wanted to do my part to put an end to it. I wanted to offer an environment that people could come to and know that they are going to be satisfied.

In the past seven years my love for food has become an undying passion that continues to grow stronger and stronger with each passing day. Every morning allows me the opportunity to try something new, or practice a different cooking technique. In these past years, my goals and vision in the foodservice industry have entertained a plethora of paths, but all have shared the same desire: to improve life through food. The current condition of the quality of life in the United States is drastically low due to the obesity epidemic. Eating disorders are running rampant, whether it be Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan living off of iceburg lettuce and Starbucks, or the average, overweight American living off of convenient foods that are high in energy and low in nutrients. I want to use my love and knowledge of the power of food to help people. Ideally, I would like to operate a rehabilitation center for girls with eating disorders, and use my knowledge to help them lead a healthy lifestyle.

There are so many different aspects of the culinary field that I want to explore and I feel as though the Culinary Institute of America promises the greatest educational opportunity for both my personal and professional enhancement. I am looking forward to learning more and experiencing an environment saturated with individuals that are as passionate about food as I am. Armed with the knowledge attained at such a prestigious institute, I am even more confident that I will have all the necessary tools to make monumental strides in the culinary world.

CONSUMER ADViSORY

sipping red wine while being in love can be extremely intoxicating.

procrastinator extraordinaire

this apartment is a mess. i have to go to the bank, barnes & noble, and target, and then i need to work out. and all of this needs to be done within an ever-increasingly shrinking window. i have to be on the treadmill by 5:00 pm. thats what time that 70's show is on, it gives me something to enjoy while walking and walking and walking and getting nowhere. the UPS man just came with my $26.99 printer i ordered in order to complete the modules in my externship manual which i have been putting off as well. i placed the packed next to the big box of my stuff that my dad shipped out to me last week [the contents of which are strewn about the living room floor because i was excited to see what he sent me, but was not excited enough to put them away].

my intention of this blog was to briefly gloat about being number 1 in two very special people's top 8's on myspace; the two individuals whom keep me smiling. i feel like a very privileged young lady today :o)

Prince Charming

Rapunzel was locked in a tower, with no other access to her than her hair.

Snow White was comatose and closely guarded by seven midgets with allergies.

Ariel was half fish and lived at the bottom of the ocean.

Cinderella was kept in a basement by her wretched step-sisters.

Jasmine was in the middle east.

Belle... i don't remember her deal, but regardless. prince charming did a goOd fucking job of covering his tracks, eh?

tall people.

i strongly feel it is unjust that taller people get to eat more than me, and other people around my height. i can't have my cake and eat it toO! and if i do, well then, there goes my wardrobe! >:o(

ugh.

i am really not a morning person, at all. i could go to bed right now and sleep straight through 'til this time tomorrow morning and still, i will not wake up feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and excited to start the day.

i am hardwired to hate the early morning. ugh.

b( . Y . )bies

i always wondered how i am a 32D. i thought the D was designated to remarkably huge breasts, not to slight my own rack, but these girls are far from over-flowing cups. i'd rate them as more of a pleasurable handful. Thanks to brooke, i have the answer. it all makes sense now!

so, ladies, men, whomever- boOkmark this page, and share it with your loved ones, peers, co-workers... every one! the search for the right fitting bra is over!

i am woman, hear me roar!

the other day i tried to play a dvd, but i didn't know how to work the tv; there is no input button on the universal remote. yesterday i tried messing with it some more. this morning i took a look at the wires in the back on my way into the kitchen... but just moments ago, i removed myself from the couch and plopped down in front of the tv and i fixed it! i played around with the wires, flipped around to different channels.... and then, low and behold- A PiCTURE APPEARED ON THE SCREEN!

and to think that just last night i was just telling broOke i need a man [for the sole purpose of getting that darn dvd player to work]. ha! anything they can do, we can do better. if we want to. stanton, if you were here, that dvd player would have probably ended up being your responsibility. ;o)

gotta love the double standard.

oh geez-

speaking of the current state of existence being a disasterous downward spiral, i just peeked above my laptop and caught a glimpse of a new britney video. maybe it isn't new. i don't know. i'm an old fart and i don't keep up with these matters. BUT, i can say, this is adding insult to injury...

there are people in this world struggling to make ends meet. losing their homes, losing their loved ones, all because they lost their jobs...

and this bitch lost her complete fucking mind, had her children taken away from her in the public eye... is unfit to roam the earth unrestrained.... and she is putting out a music video? where do people have the money for this shit? is it unrealistic to expect that it be mandated that that region of our culture and society be forced to allocate funds and help save the demographic that supports it?! i'm tired of these fucking bleeding heart celebrities... pouring your glass, or *gasp* bottle of expensive boOze on the ground does not aid in alleviating anyone's pains. and now i'm pissed off, because you could have just mailed me those drops you just wasted. or given it to the bum on the corner a few blocks down.

i just feel as though everyone is so out of touch with reality and the superficial has taken precedence over what really matters. material possessions have become more important than the intangible.

i'd rather be the little old lady who lived in a shitty shoe, than a botoxed beauty with an empty heart and a full closet.

money, money, moneyyyy

i cannot state this matter-of-factly, but i am pretty sure that most people, especially people our age, do not begin their days discussing the state of the economy and its impact on suicide rates in our lovely country... but broOke and i are not your average. but if you know me, you are already aware of this. ;o)

if you've ever had the privilege, or the hardship, of enduring a conversation with the two of us, you know that we don't want your opinion. we're giving it to you.

but today, we have questions, and maybe someone else can help us understand...

at what point do people lose sight of love and focus on finances?

since when do mortgages override moral obligations?

love is life through thick and thin... not picking up and leaving someone's asS with another person, or taking your life, or making the executive decision to take the lives of both parties... no?

yee haw!

i just realized i was able to compose my last post whilst listening to country music! the twang-ing didn't deter me, or distract me [at all] this time!

:o)

.country mix #2.

i received a package this week from Miss Kristin; the contents of which included 1 fabulous wine glass, 5 home made country mix CDs, and a "Tasting Wine for Dummies" game.

snail mail is fun, no matter where you are... but to receive a package, full of sO much thought, when you are so far away from home and anywhere you would rather be at times [cough:cough:Aspen! but i'll also take Oaklyn:cough] is simply heart-warming. aside for all of the empty wine bottles strewn about, kristin's care package has helped to make this big, beautiful apartment feel more "at home".

the events of this past year have really helped me to appreciate and realize those who are worth keeping around, those whom are best kept at a distance, and those best left forgotten.

I have had this conversation on more than one occasion with my favorites- relationships [any sort of relationship, not just intimate. get your head out of your ass and stop watching meg ryan movies. there's more to life than commercialized, desensitized "romance". life is not a romantic comedy; more often than not, its a bad joke; with me at the asS-end of it.] are not based on what someone gives you. HOWEVER, when you give, and give, and give and receive not a damn thing in return, its time to take reciprocity into consideration.

you are not being selfish. it is maintenance of self. it is unhealthy to continually deplete yourself, especially if you are ending up empty in the end. i am not at all flexible [maybe on a good day i can touch my toes without feeling the slightest strain in my muscles or lower back], but i have found myself bending over backwards and tying myself in knots for people whom not only cannot even think to do the same, let alone lend me a hand and help me unwind after playing contortionist for their heartache.

there are a lot of people out there that dislike me, a lot of them know me, a lot of them do not...

-hold on one second, i'm having trouble getting up onto my pedestal...-

OK- the only reason i can conclude upon regarding this distaste, is that i highlight their own flaws, inadequacies, and insecurities. and so they try to flip it around, and make me look like the bad guy, and they can do so. i love it. i flaunt it. let them hate. they aren't worthy of my love anyways. SORRY ASS BiTCHES.

and now, back to country mix #2.

Thank you, Kristin! ;o)

sleeping on the couch...

my bed seems toO big for just me tonight...

anyways- i have a facebook account. the only reason i log into it every day [and this is every day as of recent. i don't really mess with it much, at all.] is for my "fortune cookie" application. it has always been eerily applicable to my life.

today my fortune read, "You will have full contentment by summer's end."

if this is true... i might just melt now. i have such fabulous friends, the best family... and what appears to be a promising future, both professionally and personally. by summer's end this will be solidified? its hard to feel so happy, when there are sO many other lives going on around you, that are not falling into place as perfectly. but i guesS thats just how it goes. take the good, or the great, or the perfect, while you can. because not everything can last forever.

Signed,

one Happy Young Lady

the freaks come out at night

sigh... halloween will not be the same this year. halloween will not be anything compared to what it was last year... which was AMAZiNG!

i guesS we can only plan for next year. its for the best anyways- jessi just popped out a baby, i'm in oklahoma, and sandra, our birfday girl, is engaged[!], so this wouldn't have been an appropriate season for a party bus anyways. ;o)

til next year... may it be bigger, and badder than the last! :o)

the early bird gets the worm.

i'm not toO big on parasites... or mornings for that matter. worms and work at 5:30 in the AM are equally unappealing to me... though people with tapeworms do tend to lose a lot of weight inexplicably, until that golden day comes where they earn the rights to tell the tale of pulling a 30 foot tapeworm out of their rear. i'd much rather sleep in, and do cardio later in the day.

work is kicking my asS! and not because its difficult, simply because i have to be up at 5:00 in the morning, sometimes 4:45 [depending on transportation]. i'm not good at getting to bed early, at one point in my life i was pretty much nocturnal. i like late nights better than day light. i love the sunshine, but physically and mentally, i'm much more awake during PM hours.

anyways, today is officially ONE WHOLE WEEK since baby gabriel xavier finally entered the world! i've been waiting for this moment since i met annie, but she still isn't drinking. which is fine, being that i am in oklahoma and all. ;o) and just the other night, october 19, jessi brought baby girl brooke ashlyn into our lives... demoting me to aidan's #2 girl. sigh.

with all this mothering going on... i probably have no right to complain about being exhausted at the end of a long day of minimal amounts of work.

i've even started taking vitamins... and a vitamin b supplement along with my daily red bull [x2]. perhaps that is why i crash out so hard once my body hits the couch? regardlesS, until this shift is over, there may not be many posts. my mental mise en place has disintegrated.

until then... much Love, y'all!

MiCHAEL MoORE

oh my word- he's gotten larger. and even more disheveled looking. maybe instead of providing an election guide for 2008, he should do some research on the obesity epidemic. fat fuck.

sad...

i guesS its baby season... my girls are droppin them like autumn leaves...

i just wish i was home to meet these joyous little bundles of trouble.

soOn... just a few more months... come february, i will be mixing up batches of baby food and delivering them to my baby mama's.

i love my MiLF's. ;o)

. . . inhale . . .

saturday morning... and it feels like a saturday morning, which is great :o) the sun is shining, outside its quiet... ahhh the weekend.

i woke up pretty early... 7:46, or something... i debated going back to bed, but i usually wake up between 4:45- 5:00 am for for work, so i figured 7:46 wasn't that bad, now i have time to accomplish more. besides... sleeping the day away isn't as much fun when you have no one to waste it with.

time to check the weather and get this day started!

wake up in the morning and its hard to live.

work at 5:30 am is currently the bane of my existence. i am not a morning person... and then to come in at 5:30 in the morning only to be informed that there ain't much for me to do?

completely unmotivating. i was in my own, lethargic, miserable world for about the first 2-3.5 hours of my shift. this is, however, a much more enjoyable "garde manger" experience than averbeck was, plus i get out at 2:00 pm, so i get to see daylight... but i really need to start getting to bed earlier, so that i actually have the energy to enjoy the sunshine!

the early AM shift is also a lot more pleasant, and by pleasant, i mean quiet. its nice... but when there isn't much to do, it does blow! i haven't had energy to work out in a couple of days. but tomorrow is saturday, which means NO EXCUSES! ima work out, hit the liquor store [sick.], go to the supermarket, open a new bank account, and then cook dinner and clean my apartment for my favorite phyllis :o) i'm going to try to get to bed soOn... i have a lot of sleep to account for in these next few hours.

goOdnight, homies :o)

much Love. always.

Dearest Monica...

i don't think the Love of my life is in oklahoma... in fact, i am fairly certain that he is not. :o)

the best thing about best friends

is the unconditional love.

volvos

i'm camped out on the couch, i was excused from work early today because i wasn't feeling well... my face was hot and i felt as though i had ice running through my veins. my head felt cloudy and drowsy, my homeostasis was definitely off. anyways, i'm watching tv, as anyone would do between naps on a sick day, and this "sexed up" volvo commercial came on, in which an extremely thin, older woman [which i personally do not find that attractive] is apparently enamored by the upcoming 2009 s80... and all i can think at the climax of the commercial, when she gets into the driver's seat, is, "great. another terrible driver on the road."

when it comes to selling volvos, i firmly believe they should leave any allusion to the "volvo driver" out of the bigger picture. we all know who they are. my mom is one of them. and they are the worst kind of driver, right up there with asians and PA plates. yeah, i said it.

myspace politics

a couple of nights ago, on yet another great ichat date with my broOke, we decided it was time for me to clean up my top friends. a top 16 is just way toO many, seriously. so i had another glass of wine, you know, to loosen up my inhibitions- the repercussions of top friend deletion can be pretty serious, apparently. brooke and i based my myspace renovation on whom could be absolutely depended on in the event of an emergency. and we also deleted my brothers from the top friends because they're not going to give a crap, it doesn't make me love them any less. my girl ash was an innocent bystander, because she is a true friend, and i know she would be there for me in a heartbeat, but i also know she could give an F less about top friends bs. however, one ex-top went so far as to delete me from her myspace friends, which i'm going to assume, is the equivalent of deleting me from her real life friends... which is the biggest mistake anyone could ever make. that song that the genie sings in the movie aladdin, "you never had a friend like me", was written for me. i loaned robin williams the rights to sing it. ;o)

time to get ready for work... i have a feeling its going to be a slowww sunday. at least i can catch the 8:00 game when i get home :o)

what is happening to me?

i am home from work. cozied up on the couch in PJs... unwinding with a glass of wine and some country music. i must admit, they compliment one another quite nicely.

don't judge me. i'm concerned about this as well.

hot damn!

allow me to start this blog off by stating that i needed to find suitable music to listen to before the words could begin to flow... so i opened up my itunes, clicked radio... and selected country. i gave it a shot, but i really couldn't concentrate with all that twang-ing in the background. i did enjoy the end of a song by George Strait, however. so, kristin and stanton, i hope my attempts made you smile, and brooke, i know you threw up in your mouth a little bit, but don't worry. the music is off... for now.

SO- i moved into my apartment yesterday. this complex is flippin' sweet! there is a big pool, and i guess it is generally warm enough to use, but i didn't pack a bathing suit :o( and i'm usually working anyways. i'd much rather use my days off to explore oklahoma a bit more, since i haven't really had the opportunity to do so just yet. but anyways, i have a fire place, a "sun room", a living room [which they furnished for me with a sweet couch, coffee table, end table, lamp, tv, and chair], A WASHER AND DRYER [you can put me in a tent with a washer and dryer, and i would be ecstatic.], a pretty sweet kitchen [even though the stove is electric. and we won't even begin to discuss my failed attempt at foOd shopping yesterday. i freakin hate food pyramid.], dining room, extra bedroom/study, my bedroom, and a big, huge, pimped out bathroom. that bathtub in there was not made for getting clean. for reals, son.

this place really is amazing. is the CTCA trying to buy me? i have no problem with rolling over and letting them rub my belly some more. if i didn't have to finish up at the CIA, i think they would already own me. i don't think anyone else's externships are treating them this well. it is sickkk.

i woke up early today because i wanted to hit up the fitness center... but i couldn't get in :o( i guess i should have read the Estancia Community Information sheet that was on my fridge. i looked over it when i got in from my failed mission, but by that point i had deemed it toO late to go back. i have 1.5 hours before i have to be at work. i think i'll take a power nap.

enjoy your saturday! :o)

still.

i still have yet to remove myself from this couch. all i ask for today is that everything get done on its own without me having to lift a finger. is that toO much to ask?!

my eyeballs hurt, my head hurts, i'm parched, my body is sore... i don't know if thats from the 6 miles i did yesterday, or the fried chicken. or both.

i need fluids in an IV, a nantucket nectars half and half, or brooke here with some mimosas. i don't find any of these requests to be highly unrealistic.

i shall now pretend to begin attempt #2 at removing my arse from this couch.

timing.

6:00 am is an awful time to depart... from bed, the ground, the bar. it is especially awful if that 6:00 am translates into 5:00 am okie time, which means i would have to set an alarm for 4:00 am to make sure i get to wish my traveller du jour a safe journey.

4:00 am isn't a bad time, assuming you're still awake when the clock strikes 4... but after a night of wining and ichatting with my #1, its pretty freakin rough. as soOn as that alarm in my phone went off, i swear some evil, microscopic, under-the-bed gnome tightened a freakin vice grip on my skull. i don't get headaches. i rarely feel "hung over".

at least i have the day off today, right? WRONG! i received the keys to my apartment yesterday :o) which means today i have to re-pack my belongings and move my stuff. my head doesn't want to procesS all that jazZ when it isn't slightly pounding.

with that said, i guess i should make moves and try to get this over with. i'd like to have time to venture around the blue dome district later this afternoon/early evening.

showering and getting dressed is going to be rough. i hate all that grown-up stuff. hmph.