4 weeks!

well... technically, it is now 27 days.

crazy? absolutely.

but i cannot refute one of my favoritest quotes... when the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.

sO the rest of me is trying its best not to think and just run with it, because emotion and logic are two opposite ends of the spectrum, so i'm just going to go with what feels good. with what feels very good :o)

i am extremely intelligent;

not to mention, classy, as well.








yesterday i had the GENiUS idea to drink, and drink, and drink, with the intent of waking up for my intoxicated driver's class still drunk. instead, i woke up hurting pretty badly and had to sit through the 6 hour program with a PoUnDiNg headache. ugh. it was awful. i ate my entire lunch on the ride to class, which was just pastrami on a bagel [g0d, i am sooo happy to be back in new jersey, man! for real.] , because i thought i may die if i didn't. upon completion of the food that was supposed to last me for the next 6 hours, i immediately began to ponder if it would be possible to order a pizZa and have it delivered during our lunch break. would i have to share it? would people not take me seriously? take me seriously? what am i even talking about? more importantly- would i have to share?

the clasS itself wasn't that bad, between bouts of feeling as though i may keel over and die, i was pretty amused. unfortunately, tomorrow we have "guest speakers" coming in to talk to us. i'm assuming that will be pretty depressing. i'm expecting these will be individuals whose lives have been severely affected by drunk drivers, and vice versa. DOWNER.

while we are discussing my day, i should note that we were given the option of being let out of class 30 minutes earlier... everyone raised their hand in favor, and i just sat there. unresponsive. so Dean, the instructor, asks me why i didn't raise my hand and i simply shrugged and told him that i can't drive and MY MOM isn't coming to pick me up until 4:30 anyways. after i said this, some woman shouted out, "i'll give you a ride home." and i really just wanted to turn to her, just to be a complete jerk, and say, "yeah, because i really want to get in the car with you, ya drunk." hahaha- it would have been in goOd humor. we're all there for the same reason ;o)

anyways, i ended up getting a ride from this guy's mom, and i swear he was trying to kick game to me the entire way home. i'm hoping he doesn't expect me to sit near him, or next to him, or anything stoOpid like that tomorrow, because that ain't happenin. i don't want to sit near anyone who is going to try to talk to me. sigh. i'll just do whatever larry would do if in that situation.

sorry if this blog sucked and was not as eloquent as expected, i don't really care. my cerebral fluid is at an extremely viscous state right now, and if i hadn't taken tylenol a couple of hours ago, i suspect my brain would still be trying to escape my thick skull.

its time for pajamas and the couch. its great to be home :o)

its cold and i hate it.

based upon the title of this post, i don't know what brooke is talking about when she says i bitch a lot in my blog. nooooo idea what the F she's talking about. crazy lady.

we aged our livers some more last night. a lot more. and drank in a descending order: the first bottle of wine was 15.5%, the second was 15%, and the third, which i believe i spilled [sorry Jim's notebook] more than i a drank, was 14.5%. i don't know what is going through my head when i think that 14.5% isn't that high. that is a filthy lie. but it does seem like a little/lot less when you start off with 15.5%. if someone were to punch me in the face right now, i probably wouldn't react to it. i'm cold [probably due more to dehydration than anything else], tired [i don't know why i couldn't sleep later... probably all the sugar from the wine. oh- and because i'm excited to be hooooooome!], and i just ate a piece of cold left over pancake off jim's plate that he left on the kitchen counter. sweet.

i guess its time to shower... so we can begin our day? ugh. we need more time. we need to not leave this house all day. ugh [again]. i really just want to follow jj's lead and curl up in his bed and bask in the sunshine.

anxiety.

i can't nap... i'm toO excited to go home tomorrow! i cannot believe that in 24 hours from now i will be at brooke and jim's, preferably napping off some upon-arrival bloody marys, in preparation for a night full of wining and cooking with my number 1 :o)

i'm also very nervous. transportation has not been on point lately. a few mornings last week i was nearly 30 minutes late to work because linda had forgotten to pick me up. Thanks, Linda. while linda does not work weekends [thank ronald (i believe ronald mcdonald is the g0d of okkklahoma).], i am still concerned that my ride is going to be late, especially since human resources toOk it upon themselves to discuss clair's jesus preaching [which was all in goOd fun!] with him, and alert juan about his lewd conduct [which was completely inappropriate, and he should be fired and i should be rewarded lots and lots of money for the verbal violation]. i HATE not having control of my own transportation...

speaking of which, i finally get my freakin license back in february. i am very excited! but for now, i am far more excited to be on jersey grounds in roughly 18 hours. 18 HOURS! i know that time will fly once i get home, and i hope it continues to do so, and in a blink, extern will be OVER [yeesh. this is a dreadful run-on sentence.].

maybe i will begin doing some laundry in anticipation for tomorrow's travels... see you bitches, soOn! roll out the red carpet- i'm comin' home!

sicky sicky sick sick

starting two nights ago, i fell ill. wednesday night i felt extremely vomititious, yesterday at work i felt feverish and nauseas, and last night i was in my own personal hell. i was hot, i was cold, i was sane, i was not. do not watch The Truman Show if you are running a fever... or think you may be running a fever... OR are just generally disgruntled with the state of your homeostasis.

sO anyways, i called out of work sick this morning, and i think its one of the better decisions i have made with my existence. my initial concern with calling out was that Chef Kenny would think i was simply calling out because i am leaving to go home tomorrow and i want to get my stuff together; however, after last night's dream that Freddy Kreuger died and i was being held accountable for his murderous rampage, i texted my boss and informed him that i was running a fever and would not be able to make it into work. i have had ample time to do nothing. all day. it is 2:40 and i am still in pajamas. HECK YES! and in less than 24 hours i will be home. i think a sick day was the perfect segway to "Thanksgiving break '08".

anyways, i'm feelin a lil sleepy. it may be time for a nap. my eyes feel a lil blurry.

33 days.

i woke up before my alarm. instead of being productive, i choOse to squander this time. why the F not? i would've been sleeping anyways. though, my alarm would be going off right now, i still have loafing time factored into my down to the moment morning routine.

so here i am. one with the couch. exactly how i love to be. i will be home in 3 days... well, i will be with brooke and jim in 3 days, and on my mom's couch in 4, but its all goOd. both are like home to me :o)

everyone believes the sole reason i am heading home is for thanksgiving, but really, the little angel pulling me back to my beloved east coast is the marlboro police department. bitch bastards. on monday and tuesday i have to undergo a garden state mandated driving course; i plan on meeting lots of lovely people here, and making new, wonderful, life-long friends, whom partake in the same leisure activities as i do.

speaking of preferred activities... i cannot freakin wait to drink wine with my loved ones this coming week!! while it is impossible to find greater company than myself, i need someone else to talk to and drink with for once; november 22 with brooke will be the perfect jump-off to my vacation back to normalcy ♥

trying not to be a negative nelly

i don't want to go to work today.

what the hell am i going to do for 8.5 hours? i know i sound like a crazy person whenever i say this, but i don't want to hear the voices. ugh. i can't breathe just thinking about it. i know i posted a blog last night saying i was just going to smile my way through it, but i don't wanna freakin smile! i'll smile from freakin home. long distance working. let that bitch defrost shit on her own. i haven't seen her bake a damn thing since i been here... then again, it's impossible to see anything over mounds of onions.

i even woke up early and did 30 minutes of cardio with the intent to boOst my mood, not for exercise... and i don't think its working. i am sitting in my apartment in complete silence, i turned off the tv, i need to enjoy this while i can. i'm debating if i am better off sleeping til just before working, and starting the day miserable, or enjoying a couple hours of me time, heading into misery, and then enjoying my freedom come 6:30?

ugh. i cannot stand ugly people. and i'm talking about ugly on the outside as well as the inside. it just makes it sO much worse. i guesS i should go take a shower and get ready for the suckfest... i'd rather be at d'jais.

a [not-so] devious plan...

i begin working with our "pastry chef" tomorrow. i have finally graduated from cleaning, dicing, and julienning 80-120 pounds of onions every day, on top of other mundane vegetable related tasks. exciting, right? of course! especially since our pastry chef is amongst the loyal gangling of admirers i have acquired since starting here. i think she has spoken a total of 1.5 words since i first arrived in blessed oklahoma on September 30. aside for the obvious insecurities i have brought forth in these individuals, this girl just seems generally miserable. she reminds me of an angry, goth adolescent. tomorrow should be interesting. i plan on smiling straight through my 10:00 am - 6:30 pm shift. if i can manage to put the glasS down in time, i may even marinate with a crest white strip for half an hour, just so i can have an extra perdy mouf for my kitchen crew.

the happier i am, the more disgruntled they will be. i just need to remember that.

in the immortal words of Mr. Bright [none of y'all know him. he was our high school security guard.], "Smile, Child."

Love.

when he says things like, "i had my first beer at 11:30 am.", i know we are meant to be.

there will be many happy sundays in our future. especially once we have our high def lovechild.

foOtball sundays...

just aren't the same anymore.

it isn't as enjoyable watching football all by my lonesome on sundays on this tiny asS tv. i misS fab's wall size high def screen. i misS my friends. i misS feeding my friends. and i should have a glass of wine in my hand right now. but because it is a little after 1 and i am by myself and still in pajamas, i feel as though it is toO early to start drinking.

toO early to start drinking?! WHO AM I???

maybe i am homesick... i miss my dog. and i miss knowing that i can submit a request for chili, take a nap, and then wake up to smell of it wafting to my bedroom from the kitchen. i miss making batches of pizza dough and simmering sauce for hours and prepping toppings... browning sausage, julienning peppers and onions, slicing mushrooms, chopping up heads of garlic... oh the garlic... and pouring so much love into game day food, only to have my friends down that shit in minutes. :o)

6 more days until i am with my brooke and jim... one week 'til i am with moni and fab, 11 days 'til Thanksgiving with my fabulous family, and, just to top this entry off with some extra cheese... 36 days until i am with my man :o)

i cannot wait... LET THESE NEXT 5 DAYS FLYYYY, PLEASE!!

Top Chef

the new season airs tonight. i'm loOking forward to being unimpressed by my arch nemesis as well as the majority of whiney aspiring chefs... and of course the volatility of it all. bring it on, bravo.

its not funny.

Yesterday, Clair, whom i believe to be the head of transportation and very much resembles a 70 year old Terry Bradshaw, but pink and blotchier and in need of some Jergens, drove me home from work, with a stop to Postal Connections so I could mail off my first ever country mix... ANYWAYS, the weather was pretty miserable, windy, rainy, COLD, and i hadn't checked the weather, so i didn't have a jacket or anything. with that said, clair pulls up to the front of the facility, and i get into the car and make some small talk along the lines of, "i should have checked the weather this morning! it is MiSERABLE out!!" and clair responds, "and i'm married, so you can't even warm up next to me."

::insert awkward kitty foreman laughter here::

clair then proceeds to ask me if i am married, which prompts me to laugh a little more and say no [marriage is the thang to do here. aside for having babies.], so clair asks me if all the guys around me are blind; i laugh some more and mention that i have someone, but he is in colorado on his externship as well. now dude wants to know where Stanton is from and where he grew up and blah blah blahhhh; thankfully, we pull up to postal connections and i run in to ship my newfound country heart, burned into a cd, to my man and when i get back into the car, flaky bradshaw comments, "now you tell him you don't want to get your ring in the mail." i smile. he furthers, "you tell him you want your ring delivered to you in person on one knee." my smile turns to laughter and i state, "oh no. nooo marriage. we're not getting married." this does not please mr. bradshaw.

TB then asks, "well then what good is he?" and begins lightly preaching the virtues of christianity and religion, so i make a remark about neither of us being very religious, and clair asks if i follow any particular religion, and i tell him i'm jewish and that Stanton isn't very big on religion. WELL, TB begins to inform me [because i don't know anything. i'm just a northern, east-coast jew with a bachelor's degree from rutgers, one of two schools to ever decline their Ivy League invitation. oh, and i have a vagina. which automatically knocks 12 points off of my IQ] that judaism and christianity have some connections and i should really consider converting to christianity... i laugh, hard. and for once, i bite my tongue and give good ol' jesus a break. Clair begins to discuss the fact that Stanton and i would be living in sin, and that there is no hope for my love, but that i might be ok, because i have my faith in something, and we jews have some sort of afterlife.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA <--- my response. i damn near busted my gut!

Terry informs me that this is no laughing matter.

stifling hysterics, i inquire, "why can't us living together here on this earth be heaven, and then we'll just turn hell into one big barbeque?"

this struck a small chord with terry, and he told me hell is NOT fun. i compose myself, look him straight in the face, deadpan expression, "oh. so its like a really hot DMV?"

i am met with a blank expression, and then he snaps back into it, and asks me, "without christ, what is to keep me from running around after women other than my wife?" and i simply smile, because to me this is assanine, and say, "because you love her. and you respect her." for a moment he's at a loss for words, he tells me that that is why i am great, but for most people that is NOT enough to prevent them from straying [pardon me if i am wrong, but isn't jesus very forgiving? i highly doubt your wife is willing to suffer for your sins, guy.], and i nearly bit my tongue off fighting myself from saying, "well then, maybe they should go to hell."

thankfully, transportation called to inform him of other runs he had to make, so i hurled myself threw that window of opportunity, thanked him for the ride, and ran up the stairs trying not to throw myself on the ground in convulsions of hysterical laughter. silly okies :o)

ohhhhhhhh-klahoma. is it november 22 yet? i'm more than feenin for some Jersey lovin'.

i swear i was a sloth in a previous life...

but i am a human in this one, and i really need to stop living in the past. it is time for me to get off my asS... and accomplish things. or accomplish nothing, but just be less dormant about it.

bah humbug.

kinda sad

i have to work this weekend while my dad is visiting. i asked for permission to leave early, but it freakin blows. as blogged about in entries past, the 5:30 AM shift kicks my asS. as it is, i haven't been able to work out in 2 days [yesterday was due to a tornado warning] because i've been so tired! i need to get my sweat on! which will not be a problem, work out time will be alotted, but what about nap time?! and then what time will i go to sleep? its a vicious cycle! is it realistic to think that i can go into work and bang out everything i need to do within 2 hours? it isn't unrealistic, there usually isn't much to do. but then what in the hell would be the point of that? i'm getting out of bed at that ung0dly hour to make $20? pshh. i could just ask my dad to give me some money before he leaves to go back to jersey and i would end up with more pocket cash than i will working these next two days. thinking about this is exhausting. everything is exhausting when you wake up at 4:50 in the morning after drinking til one in the morning the night before and crying about your co-workers for the majority of the evening. i love making the executive decision to drink when my mental mise en place is askew.

ugh. i need to clean this apartment like whoa. sweeping, vacuuming, laundry, everything! i re-organized the fridge, and stashed my empty wine bottles [i've been procrastinating steaming off the labels, i want to make a collage], but i need to freakin re-organize and put away everything else! and what am i doing instead? sitting on the couch, blogging about it, and kinda watching Friends. i never watch friends. though, in my defense [to myself], it is an older episode of friends, before they became so freakin type-casted into their characters, so it isn't sO terrible.

alright... i guess i need to cut the crud and get to cleaning. :o/

about one year ago today...

i received word that i had been accepted into the prestigious Culinary Institute of America. I was ecstatic! so, in celebration of my approximate 1 year anniversary, i would like to share one of the greatest pieces of literature i have ever produced... ladies and gentlemen, be honored that i am sharing with you my application essay...

Many people claim to "love food", however, I feel as though few people truly appreciate food and give it the respect it deserves. All too often I overhear "eww", or witness the ever-so-popular crinkled nose, accompanied by a, "what is that?", as one of my peers sticks their face, or their finger, in my plate; behaviors which were forbidden at the table when I was growing up. The cardinal rule in my household was, "Never say eww to food"; before I could claim to dislike something, I had to at least taste it first. I never eww-ed anything, not even Swiss cheese [which took roughly twenty consecutive years of trial and error before I finally acquired the taste for it.]. As a child I loved food, and as I grew older my love for food matured with me. I began to gain a greater appreciation for all that it encompasses. There is so much more to food than mere consumption. Food is loving, nurturing, healing; it brings people together. Food is also knowledge, each dish boasts of a different culture. Tastes and smells have the power to transcend space and time.

When I was seventeen I worked at a Wawa convenience store for my summer job. On my second day of employment I had to work the sandwich line during the morning rush hour; as can be expected, it was pretty chaotic, and people were not as charming as I am sure they were capable of. One man came in and barked his order at me for "a roll. lightly buttered", so I did just that: one roll, lightly buttered. He snatched the ninety-four cent sandwich from my hand and was out the door to start his day... less than five minutes later he came back through the door, threw a five dollar bill at me and said, "Thank you. No one has ever done that for me." My manager was taken aback' apparently no one has ever been tipped at Wawa before, and that is a shame. How hard is it to give people what they ask for? Breakfast and lunch are the only two moments of zen an individual has during the hectic work day. I get that. Nothing irritates, and depending on how hungry I am- infuriates, me more more than when I order a sandwich, unwrap it to take that first heavenly bite, only to have a complete disaster sitting in my lap. If you don't care about my food, then please don't make it. Find another job, please.

The summer of Wawa was the summer in which I first developed an interest in the food service and hospitality industry. I wanted to open my own sandwich shop, but not just any sandwich shop. I was talking about a serious sandwich shop. One in which the customer is presented with a menu board listing different types of bread, juxtaposed with a menu board offering various deli and meat options, followed by the toppings board, which I planned on being huge; anything from smoked Gouda to artichokes, apples to sun-dried and everything in between. I wanted to offer quality and variety, as well as excellent service. I too have been a victim of the overly buttered bagel, or the soggy sandwich that wears its condiments on the outside, and I wanted to do my part to put an end to it. I wanted to offer an environment that people could come to and know that they are going to be satisfied.

In the past seven years my love for food has become an undying passion that continues to grow stronger and stronger with each passing day. Every morning allows me the opportunity to try something new, or practice a different cooking technique. In these past years, my goals and vision in the foodservice industry have entertained a plethora of paths, but all have shared the same desire: to improve life through food. The current condition of the quality of life in the United States is drastically low due to the obesity epidemic. Eating disorders are running rampant, whether it be Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan living off of iceburg lettuce and Starbucks, or the average, overweight American living off of convenient foods that are high in energy and low in nutrients. I want to use my love and knowledge of the power of food to help people. Ideally, I would like to operate a rehabilitation center for girls with eating disorders, and use my knowledge to help them lead a healthy lifestyle.

There are so many different aspects of the culinary field that I want to explore and I feel as though the Culinary Institute of America promises the greatest educational opportunity for both my personal and professional enhancement. I am looking forward to learning more and experiencing an environment saturated with individuals that are as passionate about food as I am. Armed with the knowledge attained at such a prestigious institute, I am even more confident that I will have all the necessary tools to make monumental strides in the culinary world.

CONSUMER ADViSORY

sipping red wine while being in love can be extremely intoxicating.

procrastinator extraordinaire

this apartment is a mess. i have to go to the bank, barnes & noble, and target, and then i need to work out. and all of this needs to be done within an ever-increasingly shrinking window. i have to be on the treadmill by 5:00 pm. thats what time that 70's show is on, it gives me something to enjoy while walking and walking and walking and getting nowhere. the UPS man just came with my $26.99 printer i ordered in order to complete the modules in my externship manual which i have been putting off as well. i placed the packed next to the big box of my stuff that my dad shipped out to me last week [the contents of which are strewn about the living room floor because i was excited to see what he sent me, but was not excited enough to put them away].

my intention of this blog was to briefly gloat about being number 1 in two very special people's top 8's on myspace; the two individuals whom keep me smiling. i feel like a very privileged young lady today :o)

Prince Charming

Rapunzel was locked in a tower, with no other access to her than her hair.

Snow White was comatose and closely guarded by seven midgets with allergies.

Ariel was half fish and lived at the bottom of the ocean.

Cinderella was kept in a basement by her wretched step-sisters.

Jasmine was in the middle east.

Belle... i don't remember her deal, but regardless. prince charming did a goOd fucking job of covering his tracks, eh?