its not funny.

Yesterday, Clair, whom i believe to be the head of transportation and very much resembles a 70 year old Terry Bradshaw, but pink and blotchier and in need of some Jergens, drove me home from work, with a stop to Postal Connections so I could mail off my first ever country mix... ANYWAYS, the weather was pretty miserable, windy, rainy, COLD, and i hadn't checked the weather, so i didn't have a jacket or anything. with that said, clair pulls up to the front of the facility, and i get into the car and make some small talk along the lines of, "i should have checked the weather this morning! it is MiSERABLE out!!" and clair responds, "and i'm married, so you can't even warm up next to me."

::insert awkward kitty foreman laughter here::

clair then proceeds to ask me if i am married, which prompts me to laugh a little more and say no [marriage is the thang to do here. aside for having babies.], so clair asks me if all the guys around me are blind; i laugh some more and mention that i have someone, but he is in colorado on his externship as well. now dude wants to know where Stanton is from and where he grew up and blah blah blahhhh; thankfully, we pull up to postal connections and i run in to ship my newfound country heart, burned into a cd, to my man and when i get back into the car, flaky bradshaw comments, "now you tell him you don't want to get your ring in the mail." i smile. he furthers, "you tell him you want your ring delivered to you in person on one knee." my smile turns to laughter and i state, "oh no. nooo marriage. we're not getting married." this does not please mr. bradshaw.

TB then asks, "well then what good is he?" and begins lightly preaching the virtues of christianity and religion, so i make a remark about neither of us being very religious, and clair asks if i follow any particular religion, and i tell him i'm jewish and that Stanton isn't very big on religion. WELL, TB begins to inform me [because i don't know anything. i'm just a northern, east-coast jew with a bachelor's degree from rutgers, one of two schools to ever decline their Ivy League invitation. oh, and i have a vagina. which automatically knocks 12 points off of my IQ] that judaism and christianity have some connections and i should really consider converting to christianity... i laugh, hard. and for once, i bite my tongue and give good ol' jesus a break. Clair begins to discuss the fact that Stanton and i would be living in sin, and that there is no hope for my love, but that i might be ok, because i have my faith in something, and we jews have some sort of afterlife.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA <--- my response. i damn near busted my gut!

Terry informs me that this is no laughing matter.

stifling hysterics, i inquire, "why can't us living together here on this earth be heaven, and then we'll just turn hell into one big barbeque?"

this struck a small chord with terry, and he told me hell is NOT fun. i compose myself, look him straight in the face, deadpan expression, "oh. so its like a really hot DMV?"

i am met with a blank expression, and then he snaps back into it, and asks me, "without christ, what is to keep me from running around after women other than my wife?" and i simply smile, because to me this is assanine, and say, "because you love her. and you respect her." for a moment he's at a loss for words, he tells me that that is why i am great, but for most people that is NOT enough to prevent them from straying [pardon me if i am wrong, but isn't jesus very forgiving? i highly doubt your wife is willing to suffer for your sins, guy.], and i nearly bit my tongue off fighting myself from saying, "well then, maybe they should go to hell."

thankfully, transportation called to inform him of other runs he had to make, so i hurled myself threw that window of opportunity, thanked him for the ride, and ran up the stairs trying not to throw myself on the ground in convulsions of hysterical laughter. silly okies :o)

ohhhhhhhh-klahoma. is it november 22 yet? i'm more than feenin for some Jersey lovin'.

i swear i was a sloth in a previous life...

but i am a human in this one, and i really need to stop living in the past. it is time for me to get off my asS... and accomplish things. or accomplish nothing, but just be less dormant about it.

bah humbug.

kinda sad

i have to work this weekend while my dad is visiting. i asked for permission to leave early, but it freakin blows. as blogged about in entries past, the 5:30 AM shift kicks my asS. as it is, i haven't been able to work out in 2 days [yesterday was due to a tornado warning] because i've been so tired! i need to get my sweat on! which will not be a problem, work out time will be alotted, but what about nap time?! and then what time will i go to sleep? its a vicious cycle! is it realistic to think that i can go into work and bang out everything i need to do within 2 hours? it isn't unrealistic, there usually isn't much to do. but then what in the hell would be the point of that? i'm getting out of bed at that ung0dly hour to make $20? pshh. i could just ask my dad to give me some money before he leaves to go back to jersey and i would end up with more pocket cash than i will working these next two days. thinking about this is exhausting. everything is exhausting when you wake up at 4:50 in the morning after drinking til one in the morning the night before and crying about your co-workers for the majority of the evening. i love making the executive decision to drink when my mental mise en place is askew.

ugh. i need to clean this apartment like whoa. sweeping, vacuuming, laundry, everything! i re-organized the fridge, and stashed my empty wine bottles [i've been procrastinating steaming off the labels, i want to make a collage], but i need to freakin re-organize and put away everything else! and what am i doing instead? sitting on the couch, blogging about it, and kinda watching Friends. i never watch friends. though, in my defense [to myself], it is an older episode of friends, before they became so freakin type-casted into their characters, so it isn't sO terrible.

alright... i guess i need to cut the crud and get to cleaning. :o/

about one year ago today...

i received word that i had been accepted into the prestigious Culinary Institute of America. I was ecstatic! so, in celebration of my approximate 1 year anniversary, i would like to share one of the greatest pieces of literature i have ever produced... ladies and gentlemen, be honored that i am sharing with you my application essay...

Many people claim to "love food", however, I feel as though few people truly appreciate food and give it the respect it deserves. All too often I overhear "eww", or witness the ever-so-popular crinkled nose, accompanied by a, "what is that?", as one of my peers sticks their face, or their finger, in my plate; behaviors which were forbidden at the table when I was growing up. The cardinal rule in my household was, "Never say eww to food"; before I could claim to dislike something, I had to at least taste it first. I never eww-ed anything, not even Swiss cheese [which took roughly twenty consecutive years of trial and error before I finally acquired the taste for it.]. As a child I loved food, and as I grew older my love for food matured with me. I began to gain a greater appreciation for all that it encompasses. There is so much more to food than mere consumption. Food is loving, nurturing, healing; it brings people together. Food is also knowledge, each dish boasts of a different culture. Tastes and smells have the power to transcend space and time.

When I was seventeen I worked at a Wawa convenience store for my summer job. On my second day of employment I had to work the sandwich line during the morning rush hour; as can be expected, it was pretty chaotic, and people were not as charming as I am sure they were capable of. One man came in and barked his order at me for "a roll. lightly buttered", so I did just that: one roll, lightly buttered. He snatched the ninety-four cent sandwich from my hand and was out the door to start his day... less than five minutes later he came back through the door, threw a five dollar bill at me and said, "Thank you. No one has ever done that for me." My manager was taken aback' apparently no one has ever been tipped at Wawa before, and that is a shame. How hard is it to give people what they ask for? Breakfast and lunch are the only two moments of zen an individual has during the hectic work day. I get that. Nothing irritates, and depending on how hungry I am- infuriates, me more more than when I order a sandwich, unwrap it to take that first heavenly bite, only to have a complete disaster sitting in my lap. If you don't care about my food, then please don't make it. Find another job, please.

The summer of Wawa was the summer in which I first developed an interest in the food service and hospitality industry. I wanted to open my own sandwich shop, but not just any sandwich shop. I was talking about a serious sandwich shop. One in which the customer is presented with a menu board listing different types of bread, juxtaposed with a menu board offering various deli and meat options, followed by the toppings board, which I planned on being huge; anything from smoked Gouda to artichokes, apples to sun-dried and everything in between. I wanted to offer quality and variety, as well as excellent service. I too have been a victim of the overly buttered bagel, or the soggy sandwich that wears its condiments on the outside, and I wanted to do my part to put an end to it. I wanted to offer an environment that people could come to and know that they are going to be satisfied.

In the past seven years my love for food has become an undying passion that continues to grow stronger and stronger with each passing day. Every morning allows me the opportunity to try something new, or practice a different cooking technique. In these past years, my goals and vision in the foodservice industry have entertained a plethora of paths, but all have shared the same desire: to improve life through food. The current condition of the quality of life in the United States is drastically low due to the obesity epidemic. Eating disorders are running rampant, whether it be Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan living off of iceburg lettuce and Starbucks, or the average, overweight American living off of convenient foods that are high in energy and low in nutrients. I want to use my love and knowledge of the power of food to help people. Ideally, I would like to operate a rehabilitation center for girls with eating disorders, and use my knowledge to help them lead a healthy lifestyle.

There are so many different aspects of the culinary field that I want to explore and I feel as though the Culinary Institute of America promises the greatest educational opportunity for both my personal and professional enhancement. I am looking forward to learning more and experiencing an environment saturated with individuals that are as passionate about food as I am. Armed with the knowledge attained at such a prestigious institute, I am even more confident that I will have all the necessary tools to make monumental strides in the culinary world.

CONSUMER ADViSORY

sipping red wine while being in love can be extremely intoxicating.

procrastinator extraordinaire

this apartment is a mess. i have to go to the bank, barnes & noble, and target, and then i need to work out. and all of this needs to be done within an ever-increasingly shrinking window. i have to be on the treadmill by 5:00 pm. thats what time that 70's show is on, it gives me something to enjoy while walking and walking and walking and getting nowhere. the UPS man just came with my $26.99 printer i ordered in order to complete the modules in my externship manual which i have been putting off as well. i placed the packed next to the big box of my stuff that my dad shipped out to me last week [the contents of which are strewn about the living room floor because i was excited to see what he sent me, but was not excited enough to put them away].

my intention of this blog was to briefly gloat about being number 1 in two very special people's top 8's on myspace; the two individuals whom keep me smiling. i feel like a very privileged young lady today :o)

Prince Charming

Rapunzel was locked in a tower, with no other access to her than her hair.

Snow White was comatose and closely guarded by seven midgets with allergies.

Ariel was half fish and lived at the bottom of the ocean.

Cinderella was kept in a basement by her wretched step-sisters.

Jasmine was in the middle east.

Belle... i don't remember her deal, but regardless. prince charming did a goOd fucking job of covering his tracks, eh?